HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH

Retro look is in! And, that was the theme of the farewell party which my daughter and her classmates hosted for their seniors in school. It was a big night for them. Planning, practicing for various programme, shopping, making cards and memorabilia dominated their waking hours for a week. Their enthusiasm was euphoric. Wish even we had this kind of celebration during our school days!

I took her shopping, got her the dress she wanted, mixed and matched the accessories. Then, she dropped the question, - “Ma, can I get my hands and legs waxed?” Well, coming from a conservative family, saying ‘yes’ was difficult at first. She’s just a kid. But, then again, I have seen 10 year old girls streaking their hairs with color, using hair extensions, perming, straightening their hairs and whatever the latest the beauty industry has to offer. And, to my baby, “yes” it was. She was brave enough not to utter a sound during the painful procedure of waxing. That done, (a couple of kilos lighter) hair trimmed, flicks in place…she was beaming! I said, - “You will look more chic if your eyebrows are plucked and shaped.” She was diplomatic enough to say,- “You tell me?” There we go again….I told her that we will wait till her birthday for that. She was happy none-the-less. She said “Thank You’s” and “I Love You’s” a dozen times to me since then. It certainly was worth the YES.

Years ago, during the house warming function of my Uncle’s place, my cousin who is quite younger to me, desired to apply lip color and some eye shadow for the occasion. I did the needful. Her mom went ballistic! A scene was created and the poor girl was made to wash off any traces of the dreadful chemicals that would disfigure her face. Humiliated and hurt she wore a sullen and sad look through the evening. What could have been a perfect day for my cousin was marred deeply!

My friend told me that when she was 13, her mother warned her- “If you ever think about a boy”, she (i.e., the mother) would come to know about it and my friend had to face the consequences arising out of that situation. Poor girl, she was so terrorized that she missed out on being an adolescent!

What the parents do, what we say have a deep impact on kids. What may seem as a disciplinary action may leave some deep rooted fear in the minds of our children which may be carried into their adulthood. How much is too much? When to give-in, and when to take a stand? Parenting is a difficult job! Did our parents feel the same kind of pressure too when they were bringing us up? Setting up a good example, teaching the kids the right values, keeping them grounded, indulging them, to say ‘yes’ when you feel like saying ‘No’ and saying ‘No’ when you it will break your kid’s heart….phew! so much responsibility. Some days back, a 11 year old girl killed herself because her mother read her diary in which she had written about a boy from her class. Aren’t we capable enough to reach out to our kids and understand them??

Your Children are not Your Children

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He also the bow that is stable.

-Kahlil Gibran (From "The Prophet")