Is this the song, my heart wants to sing
Is my heart attached to yours by this string?
Is this the way beauty unfolds its wings
Is my flight being cut off by this string?
Is there a desperation in me to cling
Is my breath being suffocated by this string?
Is this the reason my feet long to spring
Is my stride being broken by this string?
I wrote this FormForAll: Ghazal at http://dversepoets.com/ hosted by John Alwyine-Mosley. The challenge this time is to write the poetic form of the Ghazal.
i like your play on strings here..they can make the most beautiful music and also tie us to something..beautiful pic as well..
ReplyDeleteThanks Claudia
ReplyDeleteYes your use of string takes on many aspects. I think you used it well. I'll leave it to John to talk about the form but I liked it very much. Thank you for writing and linking. Gay
ReplyDeleteJanu, it seems to me you took on one of the timeless themes of the Ghazal and wrote it well. For me the form is complex so I'll leave those comments to John, but the poem works.
ReplyDeleteThanks Beachanny and Liv2write2day..... :-)
ReplyDeleteArron Shilling:
ReplyDeleteHi Janu,
I loved the bounce and rythmn of your poem accompanied by some beautiful words and couplets.
a treat to read.
Cheeres Arron
Wowww... I LOVED way you have shown the different facets to a string... really impressive...
ReplyDeleteAnd the closing stanza was simply beautiful..
I loved your poem Janu!
ReplyDeleteCheers
Padmavani
If the strings play melodious song, I guess you have the answers too…even otherwise!
ReplyDelete@Arron,
ReplyDelete@Kavisionz,
@Mama Zen,
@Padmavani,
@Deeps............Thank you all.
Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. I draw on Agha Shahid Ali's, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172051
ReplyDelete1) Association
One of the key factors of the form - traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. These standalone but more because they are a series of questions that could be asked in any order.
2) Theme
The first couplet usually sets out the theme of the poem, which seems to be about a yearning to be free of the strings - apron strings, lover's ties?
3) Couplets
A set of couplets without enjambment but only four Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather than the norm. You don't refer or hint at the narrator/writer in the last couplet/two lines.
4) Rhyme and refrain
In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. You use a consistent refrain and an end rhyme that turns the couplets into heroic couplets
5) Metre
Not too sure of the strategy here as the line count varied over the couplets - If iambic most of the lines had varied feet. However it had a singing quality about it. I can imagine a singer looking sad into the middle distance posing these questions.
In short, it had some features of the ghazal but needs more couplets. See the poem link above to show how your theme could be developed in a poetry medium as I suspect this is modelled on popular song versions of the form.
Thank you John for the Technical information. I tried to follow the traditional ghazal writing form, but it was difficult for me to understand. Yet, I gave it a try and wrote from my heart. Thanks for opportunity....will work on this form.
ReplyDelete