THE TAJ SOJOURN

 I was supposed to say, “Wah! Taj”, but would be mistaken for my weakness for the ‘Tea’. Here, I am talking about the “The Taj Mahal Palace”, it will be rude to call it a ‘Hotel’………this is a iconic, historic and heritage structure.

Courtesy IPL, the TV crew and Production team were housed here. On their day off, the husbands invited their family to live a life of luxury for a day! I would have loved it, if it had been the Taj Heritage, but our better halves were housed in the newer Taj Mahal Tower. This is grand, but doesn’t have the same enigma as its older counterpart.

The first thing my kids said after alighting from the elevator was-“This is like the Titanic movie”; long and narrow corridors with sober interiors muted by soft lighting. Well, the rooms had hues of bright colours to break the monotony of white. Great view from the balcony.

Short tour around the hotel (sorry, cannot keep calling this Palace anymore). Wondered if anyone bought anything from any of the stores there. They are deserted. Went across to the Gateway of India. Got roasted and a shade darker, though it did not deter us from posing for the ritualistic photo session.

Colaba causeway, the colourful street. Lots of stores and street side stalls to bargain from. In Mumbai, each and every road side market is unique in its own way. We women suddenly come alive when we have to shop, better if the men let us be!

Evening seemed more promising as guys went for a swim. Thought we women could ogle at the semi clad guys. There weren’t any “gora- chiknas’ around too. We strayed to other parts of the hotel…….. The archways, the antiques, the grand piano and the pianist everything added to the grandeur. Everything about this hotel is grand, but not awe inspiring. Maybe because of the hype. I was neither impressed nor disappointed. But bonding with friends made the day memorable. Always ready for more!

FULLTU FUN

The first, live match of my kids at the stadium! The nagging and threatening to buy tickets online at outrageous price, made my hubby to arrange for the passes….it took him 5 years. He has been covering the ICL’s (now redundant), IPL’s, Champions League and the World Cup Cricket and this was our first!

No Sir, we are not supposed to buy the tickets as we form the inner group, the media; and we know all the top officials and officers who can get us a “Pass”. We did get one for the Sunday’s IPL match between Pune Warriors and Delhi Daredevils….not a fancy donor’s pass or the pavilion seats but, free tickets none-the-less. So much for knowing all those “Top” people.

We had been on the road since morning…2 hours from Mumbai to Navi Mumbai. No sign of the passes. Then, we were literally on the streets. The only consolation being that we were safe inside our car, from the scorching sun. With time to kill and the kids getting steadily irritated, our driver taught my kids to drive the car….the feel of it. I too did drive; I have a DL since the year 2000, only being used as an ID proof! Why? We didn’t own a car when I got my DL and when we did get the car; it is assumed that women aren’t capable of driving a heavy duty vehicle. Well, aren’t I driving ‘Him’….crazy? Punny??? Nay!

Got the passes just half an hour before the match. Let’s cut into the stadium. The crowd was amazing. Pulsing with electric enthusiasm. I was totally swept by euphoria. It took a while for me to get oriented to the actual happenings on the ground. Yet, I couldn’t make any head or tail of it. Nishu was really engrossed in the match; Nidhi was barely managing to look interested.

The ‘dink-chak’ dancer in me who has been dormant since Ganesh Charturti was awakened. I danced, I shouted and I whistled. A shot of mine whistling was aired and some people back home did recognize me……felt like a celebrity!

Post match, hubby took us into the control room to show us the working there. And then, there is something between me, guys and 25 year cycle. First, it was my school friends whom I met on Facebook after 25 years, and then it was Salman Khan and now Ravi Shastri. Had a tete-a-tete with Ravi Shastri, if it can be called that. On the way back home, Nishu asked me – “Did you see how that batsmen (I don’t even know who) got bowled?” I have no clue as to what he is talking about. All I know is that I had Fulltu Fun.

HEAVEN ON EARTH ??

Crowd, crowd and more crowds. No, this is not a rally against corruption in support of Anna. This is a typical Sunday evening crowd in Mumbai. There are not many places to see or hang out in Mumbai, so we can see people everywhere. No point in going to the beaches too where the sea of people put the actual sea to shame! It is a myth that the volume of traffic is lesser on weekends than the weekdays. So, this Sunday I too decided to go on a much needed shopping spree.

Like in most cities, here in Mumbai too, traffic signals are great places to buy stuff at throw away prices. Right from toys, balloons to seasonal fruits you get them all. My personal favourite, books and flowers. Red roses. Long stemmed. They add colour and fragrance to life and home. Bought 3 dozens of them.

Linking Road, Bandra is a happening place. That’s our destination. Footwear is what we wanna buy. It is so bustling with people that it is a miracle that nobody gets hit by any vehicle. One cannot shop here leisurely. You have to pick up the stuff you want, hand over the dough and move on….or the crowd will move you out! Elsewhere in India, the male-female ratio might be 1.2 : 1, but, in the markets like these it is 5 to 6 women vying for the attention of one MAN…the salesman.

People are buzzing around the eateries too; don’t know whether they are eating from their plates or someone else’s! We somehow wrestled the crowd and bought some cool and cheap footwear. (Yeah, I am not the Hi-fi type)

Finally, dinner at Govinda’s at ISKON. The restaurant is called “Heaven on Earth”, because they know what they are serving is out of this world, especially if you love Gujju and Rajasthani food. It was a multi-course buffet. Ideally, I should have stopped eating after the first course of welcome drink (4 varieties), Salads and farsans….I stopped counting the varieties of them, too much to remember and eat too. But, temptation got better of me and I went for the second course of Roti’s and Puri’s with assorted curries. I was so full that I had to literally loosen my trousers button! My better senses made me skip the third course of different flavoured rice and dals. For a person like me who succumbs to the weakness of sweets, it was hard to resist the Bengali sweet, kheer, and kulfi. I was bloating and so satiated by the end of it –a peaceful but uneasy, heavy feeling. It is not fair for them to tempt us lesser mortals with our weaknesses. Truly, it was a feeling of heaven on Earth, made us forget the slog of our shopping spree.

PRERNA..........

I call her, and she beams and then shies away. I met her for the first time when she was just 5 months old. Somehow, the words “baby doll” came to my mind…she was and is cute, has her mom’s eyes, else she is the apple of her dad’s eyes. Prerna, is the ‘baby doll’ of Aparna and Rajesh Nayak. Rajesh, a fellow cinematographer, family friend or rather a part of our extended family. Prerna, when I saw her, she was perfect, except for just one flaw or drawback. She could not hold up her head by herself, a milestone which most babies attain at 3 months after birth. Of course, this was a concern to her parents and the family….with everyone else also expressing their concern, the parents began consulting doctors. Thus, began the saga. Prerna, the inspiration. Prerna, the very special child. Prerna, who has Cerebral Palsy.

Cerebral palsy is condition, sometimes thought of as a group of disorders that can involve brain and nervous system functions such as movement, learning, hearing, seeing, and thinking.

I am writing about her, because she is special the way she is. Peru (as she is fondly called) is the nucleus of her mom’s world…..but, she is such a daddy’s girl. As her mom says, she is a “drama queen”. She will feign sleep during her therapy sessions. All she wants is attention and love. Her weakness is pampering and praising her. She loves it when people talk to her, but is shy. Though she understands everything, she is sensitive to the feelings of the people who interact with her. She battled a near fatal pneumonia when she was just 8 months old. First, what they thought as jaundice turned out to be double pneumonia and viral infection with only 10% chance of surviving.  She is a fighter and also a survivor.

“The capacity to care is the thing that gives life its deepest meaning and significance.” – Pablo Casals.

Life is not easy for the parents of a special child. With her dad being away from home most of the time, the responsibility rests squarely on the mother’s shoulder. I must salute her for the way she is shouldering this responsibility. Does she have a life of her own? No. For her, there no demarcation between day and night. It is a 24 x 7 vigil. When we mothers are talking about our kids achievement in either studies or any other extracurricular activity, Aparna would be happy that she and Peru got by the day without a hitch!

 "The word which God has written on the brow of every person," wrote Victor Hugo, "is Hope."  As long as we have hope no situation is hopeless.

All the efforts of mom and daughter are paying off…..but, very slowly and gradually. Today, Peru is able to hold her head high and she can sit too. She is undergoing physiotherapy, speech therapy and occupational therapy. The rewards are slow to come by. Whatever the season, however harsh the weather, whatever her physical condition, Aparna cannot take a break. It is difficult to imagine me in her shoes. Despite all this, they all have such a happy and positive disposition. Hope is what they have. Hope is what that is getting them through life. Hope is what is making them wait patiently to hear Prerna call her parents “ma” and “papa”. Hope to see that day soon.

HUM BHI AGAR BACCHE HOTE

Birthdays are fun. A day filled with good wishes and cheer. A day spent among loved ones, having a blast. A day actually when you do not mind being a year older! And, birthdays for kids is a time of frolic. The kids feel like Prince or Princesses enjoying all those attention.

Arohi and Anika, the famous and the favorite twins among the people who know them, celebrated their birthday yesterday. They turned four…..should I say fearsome "four"! They have grown from being cute, cuter, cutest and also naughty, naughtier and naughtiest! If there is any other superlative for these adjectives, they will outgrow them too.

The party had everything, tattoo artists, nail art, magic show, games and dance for kids. Totally a fun filled time for kids…..and platter of food to match. Both, kids and their parents had loads of fun….wish I could continue being a kid!

Childhood is such a short lived period in one’s life. Children do not want to be ruled, they want to assert themselves, and they want to break free. They want to be independent and grown up. What is being grown up?

Kids, let me tell you this, the grown up world is full of confusion and madness. You kids can get away with anything and people will only say –“so cute”, “so sweet”, or “so naughty”. Your mistakes and you being a brat are attributed to your childishness. But, the mistakes made by adults are used as yardsticks to measure their worth.

Buddha says –     Right Thought,

                           Right Speech,

                           Right Action,

                           Right Belief,

                           Right means of Livelihood,

                           Right Effort,

                           Right Memory,

                           Right Meditation……….. (I copied this right out of my son’s text book)

And within this framework you have to have a LIFE! Grownups are always judged by people, we are judging them too. People measure you; you are measuring yourself against others. You want to rebel but you conform. You have to live sensibly, think sensibly and act sensibly.

This song by Des’ree sums up aptly -

“You gotta be bad

You gotta be bold

You gotta be wiser

You gotta be hard

You gotta be tough

You gotta be stronger

You gotta be cool

You gotta be calm

You gotta be together;

Time asks no question, it goes on without you

Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace

The world keep spinning, you can’t stop it if you try to….”

Tough being an adult…where as I like to act goofy, dance in the rain and not be embarrassed if I am being watched, sometimes talk to myself in public and not mind people staring at me as though I am nuts, smile at strangers, play in the mud, be ignorant, be simple and unassuming, no biases, no expectations…..the list is endless…but in short, I would like to be a kid without a care in the world just like the princesses  Arohi and Anika.

" MARKS" DON'T MAKE YOU.

Sitting in a restaurant having breakfast, I can’t help but laugh. My kids are like – “What???” Nidhi has just got her exams results and she had just crawled through in Math. Being a math illiterate myself; well, not entirely…I know elementary math- addition, subtraction, tables...Etc; I can understand that everyone doesn’t have an aptitude or interest for math and science. Nidhi has topped in her class in two other subjects and so she is a hard worker, I know that.

My daughter’s friend, can play 12 instruments, can sing, dance, act, mimic all at the age of 15 and yet he failed in 9^th! Does this mean that he is a failure? This is just one such example. The movies, 3 Idiots and Tare zameen par, would not have been such huge hits if people did not understand or agree with the subject. But, seriously, how many parents have really learnt from them?

Couple of years ago, our family friend’s son took off from home as his mother had forced him to take up Science in college. He wanted to pursue Hotel Management.  After about 10 days, they received a call from the Manager of a hotel in Mumbai, saying that their son was working with them as a waiter! It was sheer luck that my husband was in town. So, late in the night he went to that Hotel and brought the kid to our home. His parents arrived, convinced him and took him back to Bangalore. But, he was forced to go to the same college and study the same subjects. He refused to take 2^nd PU exams. Two years of time and money down the drain.

I am not against education. But, I am against the current system of education prevailing in India. The filtering of students, the studious ones from the weak ones are done while admitting them to the 9^th grade itself. (Actually, the planning for the child’s future starts with its conception itself!) All that the school authorities are concerned with is the reputation of the school. They have to boast of a 100% results in the board exams.

I have never been able to understand the type of parents who during the PTA’s, bring the textbooks, notes, worksheets et al and keep on discussing with teachers on and on. Some parents send the child’s Tutor to attend the meeting or sometimes bring them along. If your child has serious learning problem then it is OK, it is also fine to be concerned with your child’s studies, but many just go overboard. I, for one, cannot spend more than couple of minutes with the kids’ teachers. Tell me if they have disciplinary problem or misbehaving in the class…studies is something where I clearly know my kids’ limitations and I have hired professionals to tutor them, so why burden myself unnecessarily?

I am not saying that my way is the right way or the other parents are wrong. To each his own. But, I try to put myself in my kids place and try to think like them and try to do what’s best for them. And yet, my husband thinks I am an enforcer! The kids who have flunked the exams feel so inadequate and humiliated that they are forced to leave the school. They have to unlearn a lot of things learnt over the years…unlearn being with their old friends, unlearn the way of teaching they were used to, unlearn the comfort of the school environment and again they have to learn the new ways, make new friends, get used to the new school environment….cope, cope, cope. Kids tagged as failures, do not really fail in life; some merely end theirs!!

“Give them some sunshine,

Give them some rain,

Give them a chance to grow up just fine.”

DOING OUR BIT

Observed the Earth Hour yesterday.

Have been doing so religiously for the past 4 years. My kids understand the need for this and co-operate fully.

The TV was switched off during prime time and the silence was bliss.

Bonded with kids over a game of carom. Laughter filled the house as I kept them entertained, because I am not good at playing carom. “Kahin pe nigaahe, kahin pe nishaana” type.

50 mintues on, Nishu was tempted to switch on the TV as he could hear the hoots and cheering from the adjoining building as people were cheering the Srilankan team’s batting.

Pleading and reasoning with him, the hour was up and lights were switched on. Nishu was able to see the Srilankan openers score their century and also win the match against England. More than anything else he was able to eat his dinner in peace as even a morsel of food does not go down his throat with the TV being on. This is one habit which I have not been able to wean him off maybe because he gets his tummy full.

Personally, I feel the Earth Hour should be observed once every month. It not only spreads awareness among people to conserve energy but it is also a fantastic time for parents to spend some quality time with kids.

So, how many of you switched off the lights?

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH

Retro look is in! And, that was the theme of the farewell party which my daughter and her classmates hosted for their seniors in school. It was a big night for them. Planning, practicing for various programme, shopping, making cards and memorabilia dominated their waking hours for a week. Their enthusiasm was euphoric. Wish even we had this kind of celebration during our school days!

I took her shopping, got her the dress she wanted, mixed and matched the accessories. Then, she dropped the question, - “Ma, can I get my hands and legs waxed?” Well, coming from a conservative family, saying ‘yes’ was difficult at first. She’s just a kid. But, then again, I have seen 10 year old girls streaking their hairs with color, using hair extensions, perming, straightening their hairs and whatever the latest the beauty industry has to offer. And, to my baby, “yes” it was. She was brave enough not to utter a sound during the painful procedure of waxing. That done, (a couple of kilos lighter) hair trimmed, flicks in place…she was beaming! I said, - “You will look more chic if your eyebrows are plucked and shaped.” She was diplomatic enough to say,- “You tell me?” There we go again….I told her that we will wait till her birthday for that. She was happy none-the-less. She said “Thank You’s” and “I Love You’s” a dozen times to me since then. It certainly was worth the YES.

Years ago, during the house warming function of my Uncle’s place, my cousin who is quite younger to me, desired to apply lip color and some eye shadow for the occasion. I did the needful. Her mom went ballistic! A scene was created and the poor girl was made to wash off any traces of the dreadful chemicals that would disfigure her face. Humiliated and hurt she wore a sullen and sad look through the evening. What could have been a perfect day for my cousin was marred deeply!

My friend told me that when she was 13, her mother warned her- “If you ever think about a boy”, she (i.e., the mother) would come to know about it and my friend had to face the consequences arising out of that situation. Poor girl, she was so terrorized that she missed out on being an adolescent!

What the parents do, what we say have a deep impact on kids. What may seem as a disciplinary action may leave some deep rooted fear in the minds of our children which may be carried into their adulthood. How much is too much? When to give-in, and when to take a stand? Parenting is a difficult job! Did our parents feel the same kind of pressure too when they were bringing us up? Setting up a good example, teaching the kids the right values, keeping them grounded, indulging them, to say ‘yes’ when you feel like saying ‘No’ and saying ‘No’ when you it will break your kid’s heart….phew! so much responsibility. Some days back, a 11 year old girl killed herself because her mother read her diary in which she had written about a boy from her class. Aren’t we capable enough to reach out to our kids and understand them??

Your Children are not Your Children

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He also the bow that is stable.

-Kahlil Gibran (From "The Prophet")

HOLI

Mr. Moon must have had a field day yesterday with all the media attention and coverage he got. He didn’t seem as ominous as he was made out to be, nor did he set off a series of disasters as predicted. We have seen better or bigger ‘super moon’s’ than the one last night. In spite of all the rumours circulating, the life and festivities went on as usual. Aren’t we all brave hearts?

These are the ‘happening’ ladies of our housing society. The oldest residents, mostly Maharastrian with a couple of exceptions, they run the ‘kitty’ cartel of our society. Addicted to gossip as they are, they even pay their maids to keep up the gossip supply! Nothing escapes their scrutiny and it is difficult to infiltrate their group. I don’t like the word ‘kitty’ and I don’t ‘party’ and so I enjoy their company from afar. But, as the ‘missus’ of our housing society’s Chairman, I have to make the customary appearance at our society’s do’s. And, so I was there with the ‘gang’ performing the puja of the ‘holi’ fire.

To us South Indians, HOLI is not a big festival. Here, the people fast all day, breaking their fast only after performing the puja. While the ladies are busy with their puja and customs, the men are having a party of a spirited kind. It is the ‘Mister’ who has to light the fire.  Children are already making merry and having fun with colors. The night ends with a promise of more festivities and fun the next day.

This morning saw a lazy start and breathed life around afternoon. Had loads of fun. Got “BHANG’d” for the first time. Did not get heady though. The curtain fell on this colorful day watching the sunset with a spectrum of colors over the horizon of the sea.

IT'S A SALE.........

I like the Master Card ad which says – “There are few things in life which are priceless…for everything else, there is Master Card.” Today, almost everything is available for a price. Right from the womb to human organs to one’s conscience! Now-a-days, it is ice-creams made from mother’s milk….that’s a bit difficult to digest!

Yesterday, Nishu comes from school and gives me a circular which says that the ‘Annual Belt Exam’ for the kids learning karate will be held by the end of this month. Sounds legit, right? But, the catch is, the exams are held even for the kids who haven’t had any formal training in karate per se.

What they do in school is, teach the students a couple of “Kaatha’s” and “Kumite’s”, the exercises required for that particular level; conduct a mock fight and award the belt! There are no failures; else the parents will be livid.

To be fair to Nishu, he has an orange belt already and has also participated in State Level competition once. But, he has not been training/learning this art for the past 2 years now. Now, he wants a Brown Belt. Of course, his momma is adamant not to let him participate as this a scam. Degrees can be bought today, but knowledge, skill and talent cannot be bought. I know my baccha is very disappointed, but he would rather learn now that – you can cut corners, but there are no short cuts in life.

PS: Nishu said to me the other day that he cannot share anything personal with me...because whatever he tells me is put in my blogs. I could not agree less!