WHEN LAZINESS GROWS INTO YOU....

"You like books na?" said my friend. Yes,we were discussing books.
"Mom doesn't like books; she loves them," stated my daughter with pride.
And, I secretly wished that the ground could swallow me. Yet, I managed to smile a stupid smile. I was ashamed and guilty.

There was a time when I devoured books as if I have been starving for them all my life...as if I was born to read them and I am sure most of the book lovers feel the same. They were my only outlet to my flights of fancy and fantasy...this was a hunger which knew no satiation.

For more than a year now I have been very laid back...blogging took precedence and so did the chats/commenting on our forum Indiblogeshwaris. 

 “Take on a challenge. Adopt a good habit. Get rid of a bad one. Change something. Write one new chapter. Read a new book. Listen to a new song. Anything, almost anything singular that you’ve been putting off for too long. You have a month to do it."

This is what our team leader came up with - the theme of 'THE ELUSIVE ONE'...as our first year anniversary post...And, I jumped right in to take up this challenge like many others of our group.  

When my kids lament that they do not have enough time to concentrate on various activities, I always lecture them on time management. And, here I was wasting away my time. Some how the laziness seemed so comforting. Last year I must have read 10 to 12 books in totality. Pathetic! I would have been glad if I had some thing else to show off for the time spent...but, no I just squandered it.

So, this May even when I was technically on vacation; even when I had to get up early in the morning to fill up the buckets, steel drums and 'lotas' with water every alternate day in Bengaluru while facing acute water shortage; even when I had to make my holiday look like a holiday; even when I had to keep my otherwise bored kids occupied...I made some time to read...almost every day!
And by June I managed to read 3 books! That's like slowly getting back into the groove. 

If not for this 'push' I would still be languishing in my laziness zone, lecturing my kids about time management.


For - Indiblogeshwaris

WHY I WRITE.

                            Because, writing is my creative outlet.

For - Write Tribe # 4

WHIMSICAL FEELINGS.

 

My brain shakes its

Head in disapproval

Doubt glares at me

Heart shuffles on its feet

Wish I could eat my words

Eyes hide...pained

"What have I done?"

Mind jogs...looking for ways

To control the damage

Lips - brave a smile.

I dare and look into his eyes

A light is lit,

Its warmth spreading over me

His playful smile

Caressing mine

My heart lets out a 'whoop'

'Yes,' whispered the brain.

Walking into the seductive night

Hand in hand

Wrapped in silky love - sweet

With stars showering blessings

Wind whipping a tune

Earth wafts in joy

Universe pats itself,

Another job well done.

For - dVerse Poets -Syensthesia

I AM....

 

When was I conceived,

With you in the womb?

Or when you were born?

Or while you were growing up?

How were the seeds sown?

How was I nurtured?

How did I grow bigger-than you?

How is that, I make you restless?

I could be a flower,

Unfluring

I could be a butterfly,

Evolving

I could be a tree,

Patient and strong

I could be a river,

Flowing.

I could be this

I could be that

No rope can bind me

Nothing can stop me

I am that Dream

That defines you-me

A Dream that sets your free! 

For - 

Theme Thrusday - Dreams 

Write Tribe # 4 

SO LONG....FAREWELL.

 

He came,

He saw,

He conquered

He left

The exit as quite

as the entrance

Without as much as

A glance

Feelings, time, emotions,

Squandered

Was she sad?
In fact, glad :)

For -    Poetry Jam : Goodbye

YOUR CALL.

 

 "Heyyyy, that's a beautiful dress you are wearing. What's the occasion?" asks Naren.

"28th is our 10th wedding anniversary, remember?" says Jia with a twinkle in her eyes. 

"Oh! Jia...am sorry sweetheart. 28th is the meeting in Delhi. I will make it up to you...we will go out the coming weekend...a short honeymoon."

Naren is taking shower when his mobile phone rings. 

Jia takes the call. "Naren, I have done the bookings for 28th. Am so looking forward to our rendezvous. Can't wait sexy."

Naren comes out the bathroom. Jia hands him his mobile - "Your call."

For - Everyday Gyaan.

 

 

 

 

REALIZATION.

 

This was good. Her life and the comfort she had.

Happy to be in her own space. Two kids to look after.

She found bliss in her routine. Her life, predictable. But, she was dreamer. How can anybody be stopped from dreaming? Dreams meant change, to get out of the comfort zone to make it happen. She feared change.

Yet, there were times when she heard it - a tiny voice from within. She pretended not to hear it; many a times deliberately silencing it. It refused to go away or be silenced.  Kept on playing with her mind. Suddenly, one day it breaks free from the confines of her heart and spews into her blood stream, her whole being pulsating with courage, a feeling she did not know existed before in her.

Her outlook towards the world changed. She had evolved and blossomed. She now realized the walls she had erected for herself...the boundaries she had created, the shackles that she had bound herself with.

Now, confident and energetic she forged ahead. Discovering a new 'self' was an adventure. Boundaries melted and her eyes were on the horizon. 

For - Write Tribe - YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

BEACON.

 

She loved to be wild. She would always run on the sand with her hands outstretched, feet bare, feeling the wind and the surf. And, sitting there, I loved to see her run that way....the wind caressing her body, blowing her hair in all directions. The hem of her dress flapping against her legs. Oh! did I love those legs? I loved the way she splashed the water while she ran....totally carefree. Free with abandon. I would run with her sometimes or make her stand on my feet and would waddle, falling, laughing and rolling on the sand. Then we would walk to the lighthouse which was surrounded by huge patches of dandelion.

She would search for the dried ones, pick them up and blew off all the helicopter seeds and closing her eyes she would make a wish. I would just stand and stare at her do so. The action itself was mesmerizing for me...the muted movement of her lips, her childlike belief. She would laugh catching me staring at her. "You know Ben...I love it so much here. This place reflects so much positivity. The beacon showing the way in the dark and guiding men like the hand of God. The dandelions are so beautiful. When I make a wish, it makes me hopeful. I look forward for my wish being fulfilled. And, you know what is my wish, don't you?" The twinkle in her eyes was so hard to miss. 

And, during the night, she would jump high on the sand dunes to catch the beacon from the lighthouse. Once, we had even brought a trampoline. She had jumped and jumped, goofy and mad...trying to catch the light.

Ben, walked through the dandelions. This was where she slept now....buried under the earth. This is where she had belonged, there is where she had been alive. This is where she had wanted to be forever. He picks up a dried dandelion, closes his eyes and makes a wish - "I wish to be with Sue, here and forever."

For - Mag 169

THE DREAM.

 

She was slowing down and was panting with exhaustion. She wanted to rest a moment, but she heard the footsteps behind her. She quickened her pace, desperately searching for a place to hide.  Just when she was about to give up hope, she sees a light. She runs straight to the door and started banging on it. "Open the door, please! Help me! Please!" The door is opened by a middle-aged woman. She freezes upon seeing her.

Shreya wakes up soaked in sweat. She has been dreaming the same dream with alarming frequency lately. 
                                       ***********

Shreya has been putting off this task for months now. The carton box lay unopened in the storage closet. The box was delivered to her 5 months back from the hospice where her dad had breathed his last.

On the top is a white envelop with "Pari" written on it. Keeping it aside, she checks for the other contents. There is a bundle of photographs;  Cards and letters, some investment papers and a copy of his will.


Curling up on the sofa, she opens the envelop.
"Pari, I am your culprit. I have lied to you all these years. Will you believe me, if I tell you that I had meant to share my secret with you...for many years now. Only that, I wasn't strong enough to do so. Why now? you may ask. Certainly not to redeem myself. But, now I don't have the fear losing you. You may feel betrayed thinking I did not trust you enough or believe in your love for me. You see...I am guilty of separating you from your mother. Yes Pari, your mom! I lied to you that she was dead.
Will you be able to forgive me?

Ours was an arranged marriage. It was only after marriage I realized that Simi was uneducated. She could neither appreciate my knowledge or intelligence...nor could she understand my work as a Physicist. I tried to love her, adjust with her, teach her to read and write. We were of different wave lengths.

You were born 2 years after our marriage. I started staying away from home, sleeping at the faculty quarters, only to return home during the weekends. And, on one such visit, I realized that you were already one year old! I had missed out on a year of your life! And, by then I had given up on my marriage. I wanted a way out. I did not want you to end up like her.

I planned it all. And one fine day I went home, took you and walked out of the house. Your mom begged and pleaded with me to leave you behind. You were all she had. I know I was a heartless bastard but, I had my reasons.

So, here we are. There's picture of me and your mom amongst the other photographs. The address is written on the back of a photograph. Pari, my baby, please do not hold any grudges. Keep me in your memory."

 Shreya reads the letter again and again until she knows every word by heart. Finally, she reaches for the photographs. Her hands are shaking and her insides feel knotted. 

She sorts through them and finds what she is looking for. The first photo has her parents standing in front of a white house, the door of which is framed in blue. Strange...she stares at the face of her mother and all the color drains from her face. She is her mother's mirror image!

For- Write Tribe #2
 

 
  

SMILES ETCHED FOREVER......

This photograph was taken in the month of July, 2002. The occasion was my cousin's sons (two of them) Upanayana. 

There have been many occasions when all of us have been photographed but, this is somehow special. On extreme right is my maternal uncle's wife...younger aunt. Next to her is my mom's elder sister and to her right is my another maternal uncle's wife. In orange saree is my mom...me in purple and to my right is my mom's aunt. 

I was living in Ahmedabad then and they all had visited me a few months earlier. So, it was time to capture all of us together again. No need to say that whenever I came home...it was a celebration.
We all were so happy.

Times have changed and people have passed on...only these smiles remain etched in our memory.
 
"This post is my entry for the 'One Picture From My Photo Album' contest conducted by My Yatra Diary and Cuponation.


I like to tag Blogwati G,
                  Everyday Gyaan 
                  mymind