Don't we always wish to fulfill our wishes? Only that the wish list goes on and on. Here's one of mine.
Some days back, four of us, friends, had gone out for lunch. Conversations are never complete unless you touch the topic of one's hubby, mom and kids....well, most of the times.
And sure enough moms were being discussed. I just sat there listening to their amusing stories. I had nothing to contribute. Corinne, the sweet heart she is, informed the other two friends that I had lost my mom.
Yeah, it has been 4 years now. Well, slightly more than 4. High time to let go. I sure have moved on. Yet, there are times when the pain hits hard and catches me unawares and opens up the wound again.
As I realized much later after she had gone, she did not have friends all through her married life. She was friendly with neighbors but, never had a friend with whom she went out or shared her joys and pains. Her day started with us and ended with us. Period. She did not have a life of her own. And, I doubt she even had a clue about it or even missed it.
How I wish she was around for me! I would have loved to lay my head on her lap and just be....something which I never did when she was alive. Sometimes I wish she was around just for the heck of it...I too would have something to contribute to the conversation!!!!
* * * * * * * * * *
I was preceded by Daisy of Tumultuous Journey. Daisy is a strong woman who takes life head on with all its ups and downs. A woman who adores her grand kids and is a wonderful photographer too.
I will be followed by Jessica Mokrzycki of AscendingTheHills. She is on a spiritual journey and is drawn towards Lord Krishna and The Bhagvad Gita. In fact, she knows about the Eastern philosophy more than the Easterner's themselves know...including me.
Aww Janaki <3
ReplyDeleteI have a love and hate relationship with my mom, something I am really working on. I guess it will be a lifelong process for me. But I really want to work on it because a mother-daughter relationship is one of the best in the world.
Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt wish, Janaki. And hugs to you... <3
We all go through this phase of love and hate relationship with our parents at one point of our lives. It is ok...it will work eventually.
DeleteHugs and thanks.
Janu, I can relate to what you have said here. I lost my dad long ago and sometimes I just wish he was there to see me married and happy.
ReplyDeleteA lovely post straight from the heart and that's why we like your writing.
Joy always,
Susan
P. S: I was expecting a poem but you surprised me here by writing prose :)
Thank you so much Susuan.
DeleteJanaki, as we sat there that afternoon, I realized that we all had Moms to grumble about - but as much as we complain we do love them. Someday, like you, we'll miss them like crazy! Isn't it amazing how much our Moms put their lives on hold for us? I think, as you say, no other thought occurred to them. As women today, we want so much more. And I'm glad we do. I wish I could make your wish come true. Your Mom would be happy to see you expressing yourself so well here.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Corinne. My mom...she would understand.
DeleteJanaki, I don't know where I would be without mama, I can't even imagine what you have gone through since the loss of yours. I have worked hard on my relationship with mama, but there is still a closeness missing I wish were there. I could never lay my head in mama's lap. I would be invading her bubble. Great post and thank you for sharing with us...<3
ReplyDeleteThank you Jan for sharing. Well, her illness brought us close.
DeleteThank you for sharing your deep wish with us Janu.
ReplyDeleteI always have soft spot for mom(dad) posts. It makes me all mushy because I love my mom so much.
Your post made me reflect how much I take advantage of my mom's presence. She's sometimes called a 'stage mother' because she's overprotective. But I'm grateful that she is ;)
Lots of love to you :*
Melissa...moms are all drama queens! Love and hugs.
Deleteanaki, A giant tight hug coming your way :) We miss our loved ones when they leave us and go away, it's pure torture, I miss my dad. Take care
ReplyDeleteI know how much you miss your dad Sulekha...the pain though dulls never goes away.
DeleteMe and my mother are so close..I can not imagine her not being what she was and has been to me my whole life. I'd be lost and very heart broken. Not to say our relationship is perfect, it is not, it has flaws but at the end of the day I am at peace. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed...cherish the moments RoseAnn. Thank you.
DeleteJanaki.... very touching post. I actually had goosebumps as I read it. The raw pain and emotions are really embedded in each and every word for the reader to feel it.
ReplyDeleteOur parents are a beautiful part of our lives and without them we are never ever the same. They leave a void very difficult to fill....
Take care...hugs <3
Yes Privy, we don't recognize this much when we are young. <3
DeleteJanaki - A touching post. Losing a parent is not an easy thing. I suppose we do move on, but I believe and have said so many times, we never let go, we simply change our grip. My father passed 5 years ago, and I still have sensory memories and occasionally the urge to call him.
ReplyDeleteBe well,
Ron
Hugs to you too Ron. Thank you.
DeleteSuch a heartfelt and touching post, Janaki. Believe me, I thank the Lord every day that I still have my mom and dad and my mother-in-law with us. But, I know that one day, all too soon, perhaps, I will be right in your shoes . . .
ReplyDeleteBlessings, my friend!
You are blessed to have them all Martha. I have lost both my in-laws...dad is very precious now.
DeleteThanks for the blessings.
Janaki,
ReplyDeleteMy mom passed away 3 years ago. We really had a wonderful relationship especially as I grew older. I don't think we ever stop needing our moms OR our girlfriends. Life is just so much better because of them.
Yes Kathy, we never stop needing them. Thanks and hugs.
DeleteThis was really touching...Oftentimes when we lose someone we realize what we really had in the first place. I know I take my mother for granted, just figuring there will always be more days where she will be around. But we never really do know how long any of us ever really has. A touching reminder to hold on to each moment with those we love. Thank you. And thank you for the intro!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Jess.
Delete((Hugs}}Janaki!I was the one who cribbed the most that day about my mom.She calls every evening to ask me about my day.I am irritated at times since I do not have anything special to tell her everyday.At times, work or family pressures have taken a toll and I do not want that to reflect in my tone when I talk to her.But,last week she did not call me for four days at a stretch and I missed the calls.I found out that she was not keeping well.Since I was particularly busy, she did not want to add to my worries.
ReplyDeleteWhat you saw today at my house was my guilt.. My old parents were promptly fetched by me to stay with me.To say that I felt horrible,will be an understatement.
Mother's lap is the only all encompassing place in this wide whole world where you can find real 'peace'and here I agree with you completely.Take care :)
Thank you so much Sharmila for sharing. I understand the guilt portion. <3 hugs.
DeleteHello, Sharmila ...
DeleteI suspect that your mother calls you every day, asking about your day, because she has no other way to show you that she loves you.
She is very well aware that her time is shortening and, with the increased debility of age, she brings brightness into her life by experiencing your daily happenings.
She loves you ... her withdrawal when she was poorly just proves that to me ... I, too, pull back into my shell when I don't want my kids to worry about me.
With respect, Pat.
Awwww this post made me cry.. you are still grieving.. there is no time limit on grief... my mom is getting older with a lot of health issues and I'm scared to death for when I lose her....such a beautiful post and a tribute to your mom...As always...XOXOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteBongo thanks for understanding...XOXOXO
DeleteOk, you got me all teary over here. That's sad. I'm sorry about your mum. Sometimes I wish people who appreciate their parents never had to lose them, I really do.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, sad post. Thanks for writing.
Thanks Dave.
Deletesometimes we don't know what we have until it is no longer ours- that is the lesson I am taking back after reading your post. I am gonna call my mom just now and tell her what she means to me ! Hugs gal, ur guardian angel is watching,protecting and loving you !
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Priya. <3
DeleteJanu......... Because I understand..............hugs!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you too.
Deleteawe... absolutely beautiful... I understand; my Mom passed away 3 years November.
ReplyDeleteThank you Amy.
DeleteI know just how you feel, Janaki! I lost my mom 11 years ago when I was a new bride. I've missed her through all the beautiful moments of my married life and babies. But, she is a part of me, and I take strength in her memories. I truly believe that she is watching over me and whatever I achieve in my life her hand is over my hand. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss so earlier in life. Hugs to you too.
DeleteJanu, I understand the loss of our moms. I have never felt a loss so great as when my mother passed. I believe that sometimes, mothers tend to get so drawn up in their tasks as a 'mom' that they tend to put their life on the back burner. Socializing doesn't seem to be so important to them until their children are grown and moved away.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I can totally relate to wishing you could have her with you now. There isn't a day that I don't wish that my phone would ring and it would be my mother on the other end. Sending hugs to you ♥♥♥
We are all mammas little daughters...hugs and love to you too.
DeleteI am sorry for your loss. It's hard to know how to respond to those who take what they have for granted. I still have my mom, so I can't tell you I know how you feel. But, my mom was in the hospital last week and I couldn't sleep because it worried me to death that she could pass away at any time. Of course those thoughts kept me in a whirlwind because of those I worry about losing, hence my blog post "Countdown to the Breaking Point."
ReplyDeleteIn a way I can relate to how it feels when people are talking about someone they love and yours is gone. I feel like that every time someone talks about their sister. I didn't lose one sister I ended up losing two. One of her own selfish and extremely uninformed reasons. I also lost my father, stepmother, and aunt all within a few days. It's not the same as someone you love passing, it just feels like it. I seriously am so sorry that you are still hurting and wish I could tell you it will go away but, I can't. I can however offer you my love, my ear, and my hand to hold as long as you need it. xoxo
You are strong Jen, and so are we in many ways but, we are human too and so we grieve. Hugs and love.
DeleteA wonderful wish Janaki. Great minds think alike - I had the same wish on my post - but dad instead of mum. The loss of a parent is a very hard loss to bear. I miss my dad so much. Not a day goes by when I don't think of him - first thing in the morning and last thing before I sleep are my thoughts for dad. Take Care. love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteGlad we are alike Suzy...love and hugs to you too.
Deletei am sorry for hte loss of your mom and of that opportunity....my wife lost hers several years back now and i know it was hard on her...and still is at times of the year....hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian...hugs to you too.
DeleteDear Janaki,
ReplyDeleteThis little post really packs a punch! You send me reeling on several different topics from "What makes a (good) mother?" to "What will I feel when my mother is 'gone'?" to "What is more empowering in life than our relationships with good girlfriends?"
Holding you in my heart as you heal. Thank you for sharing your experience in this profound way -- I am 'new' for having read your words. XOXO
Thank you so much Linda....we connect in many ways.
Deletehmmm i can understand move on , but how does one do that, My dad passed away 4 years ago, We still remember him.
ReplyDeleteif only wishes came true it would be so wonderful.
take care
Bikram's
We think we have moved on....memories can be boon and a bane. Take care too.
DeleteSorry for the loss of your mother, Janu <3
ReplyDeleteTruly sad but also inspiring, for those of us that have our mother's around. We shouldn't take TIME for granted. A lot of times we get so busy with our own life, we forget about our parents. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father a couple of years ago and though time has healed it still hurts sometimes. I live with my mom and though I dont spend 24 hours with her, just the fact that she is around gives me such a solace. I dread to think if something happens to her. I can understand your loss and sorrow. I wish sometimes wishes like these would come true....
ReplyDeleteYou made me cry Janu! I know what you mean and even if we move on, we never let go! Have a blessed day!
ReplyDelete"How I wish she was around for me! I would have loved to lay my head on her lap and just be....something which I never did when she was alive" Every single day, I repeat this same thing :(
ReplyDeleteJanu ... your dear mother lives within your heart and memory. Try speaking to her in your mind as if she is still with you ... Listen for your gut reaction to your words and then, as time passes, you will realise what a treasure you DO, in fact, hold within you. This will bring you much comfort.
ReplyDeleteWell written post.
With respect, Pat.