It was lurking in the dark, innermost crevices where there was no light. I had felt its presence, time and again...sometimes when I least expected it. It popped its hood up, like a snake, intimidating and ready to strike. I swatted it like I would swat a fly. It slid back to its hiding place and I well knew it was a matter of time before it resurfaced. Such is the power of fear.
Think positive, I told myself for the umpteenth time. That's what I have trying to do all this while. But, the thoughts that surface are way too much to rein them in. By the time I am done with one wayward thought, another crops up parallel to it.
What about the ice-berg mind? The sub-conscious mind, which remembers more than I like to. Memories popping up at inappropriate times and catching me unaware. A fear repressed does the same....pops up when not expected.
Working out has made a big difference in my recovery. But, I have been projecting my fears physically. Whenever, I wanted to run or intensify my workout, I would feel pain/ a pull or a catch in my leg which would otherwise cease to exist.
Today, I ran 5K marathon, for a wonderful cause Pinkathon - to spread awareness of Breast Cancer, for the first time after 11 months and first time after my surgery. Ideally, I should have enjoyed my come back run. But, not today. I was more apprehensive, cautious, and very conscious of how my leg performed and behaved. I was stressing myself and all I thought was to cross the finish line...it would help me regain my confidence. It did! I walked, I ran and yet, was able to maintain a decent time...and came out Wow!!!
"People
who are optimistic see a failure as due to something that can be
changed so that they can succeed next time around, while pessimists
take the blame for the failure, ascribing it to some characteristic
they are helpless to change."
- Daniel Goleman, is an author, psychologist, and science
journalist.
