.jpg)
I am not happy, nor sad. Well, now that I think of it, I am
sad; I am feeling guilty and also frustrated!
It is exactly two months since I have been home ‘bound’.
Going out has been like going to the loo...whenever necessary. And, it has been
to visit the doctor...and that’s also done with. So, should I be glad that I
will not need to visit the doctor anymore? Or should I feel sad that I will not
have my brief ‘time outs?’
Yesterday, we lost another kitten to the dogs. This is the
second one in two months. After losing the first one, Aramis, we were
protecting the two kittens and the mama cat by letting them sleep inside the
house during the night...that’s when the dogs came. They were on their own for
a few days...and it happened again. Shit happens to people and there is no
point in taking the blame, yet, there is this nagging feeling....If only...
Well, I have been trying to divert my attention by reading
inspirational blogs, a sure shot to uplift the mind? I still have to find out
because I feel strongly grounded.
I read somewhere that if you keep smiling; it not only
improves your face value but also uplifts your mood. So, I stand in front of
the mirror and did exactly that! The facial muscles did not lift nor did my
mood. Plastering a silly grin on your face to fool yourself into believing that
all is well....doesn’t work!
Don’t complain – I read. Well, that’s the whole point of
this blog...I am complaining how my life sucks! Let me put it this way, I am
not complaining but, I am just sharing my feelings. I can’t keep the crap
bottled inside. When one can share joy, why not the sadness? God, am I a
pessimist?
Do not expect – I read this too. When I dream or wish for
something, I expect them to be realized, if not, then what is the point? How I
deal with the outcome is my prerogative. And I expect to be happy.
I also read somewhere that it is important to feel fully what
you feel. If you are sad, then I should be completely sad, live it, experience
it, drown and wallow in it, then only I will be able to release it. I think I
am still submerged there because of my weight.
What is the point I want to make here? I don’t know...I
tried to sit quiet and contemplate, to listen to my inner voice, read some
message from the universe (if it was sending me one), feed my mind with
affirmations....well, all I can conclude is......I simply need to get out of
the house!!
(hugs)
ReplyDeletei know that feeling of being shut in...and the helplessness as things pile up...i am sorry about the cat...
i hope you can get out and get at least a breath of fresh air
ps had the hardest time commenting here today, have tried several times...i hope this goes through...
I did go out Brian...I needed to rant.
DeleteIt's okay...vent, rant, rave! You are absolutely correct, you shouldn't keep it bottled in, and what better place to do that but on your own blog where you have supportive friends :) I do hope that you begin to feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteI am feeling better...thanks Mary.
DeleteI believe you are just going through a phase, and you will get through it...ehm..this is what I have been telling myself even when the "phase" seem to take longer than it should, even when everything recently seem to collapse upon me, ...
ReplyDeleteI still try to console myself and say, "Luchi, this is just a phase, you will get through it!"
Wishing you all the best, Janaki :)
thank you so much for you kind words Luchi...I know it is just a phase...but, it seems forever for now.
DeleteSounds like cabin fever to me. you need to vent, rant and carry on. We all do it. I certainly do that is for sure. My next one will be a nonsensical rant if I ever get to it. I personally believe you have reason to be wound up and ready to pop. Love and hugs...Jan
ReplyDeleteThanks Jan....Love and hugs too.
DeleteMy sweet Janu.
ReplyDeleteLast year, after returning from holiday, I ended up in hospital for 2 whole weeks fighting an infectious disease from a mosquito bite. I was prodded, poked, bruised & drugged. I couldn't walk & experienced pain like I've never felt before. I lost my temper with a couple of the nurses because they weren't doing their job properly and I missed my wife, even though she came everyday and only left to go home to sleep. So, I can relate to how you feel.
It's ok to vent...I highly recommend it (lol). This is just a phase, which will pass. Wishing you well dear Janu. ♥
Thank you so much Andy...this happens and am not the only one...it is just that I feel I am stuck that's all.
DeleteJanaki - I have been stuck and sometimes think I am right now. That feeling of wanting to be anywhere other than the present. I ask myself, why? Even when the reasons are identified - unhappiness, frustration with self or job or body weight, it doesn't make it easier to bear. Wallowing is a form of deciding to be in that stuck place. The only way out for me is to accept the unhappiness and put it away in place of doing one thing that I know will make me happy. Great to 'meet you' online!
ReplyDelete